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Thursday, November 20

Daschle Joins Republican Party 

In a stunning twist, the Democratic Leader has switched parties. Good boy, Tom. We knew you had it in you.

While Democrats prepared to filibuster Cheney's energy legislation (you know, that secret, behind-the-scenes deals that have been the subject of many lawsuits), Daschle decided that rather than support his fellow Democrats and the people they represent, he'd join forces with the big business Republicans and pass that bill. He said it was mostly because he was thinking of himself, and getting re-elected. Now that's Republican!

With enemies like this, who needs friends?

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Wednesday, November 19

Alan Keyes - Grassroots Profiteering 

The left is so silly. They have websites whereby you can e-mail or fax your representatives, get this, for free. Ha! For free!

Lucky for our side, we have brains. Take this excerpt from Alan Keyes, a former candidate for President of our great and profitable land, who sent an e-mail to all of the supporters of his in Massachusetts (and me; I got this and I don't even live there.):

...The local conservative leadership there has asked us if we can mobilize folks to take action right away... So we've set up an easy way for you to make your voice heard LOUD AND CLEAR -- you can send "Blast Faxes" to EVERY SINGLE ONE of the state senators and representatives in the Massachusetts legislature, urging them to push through the legislation that's already pending there, constitutionally enshrining the definition of marriage as the union of one man and one woman.

For about what it would cost you in time and telephone charges, you can fax ALL 200 of the state legislators in Massachusetts -- for ONLY $29.95.

OR, you can fax ALL 160 MEMBERS of the state House of Representatives -- for ONLY $24.95.

OR, if you prefer, you can fax ALL 40 MEMBERS of the state Senate -- for ONLY $9.95.

This ruling is not the rule of law. It is the dictate of an imperialist judiciary. Let no-one confuse law and order with judicial fiat and whim. Let's throw this radical ruling BACK in the faces of these unelected "little dictator" judges! Click through below NOW to send your Blast Faxes to the Massachusetts legislators, and let them know that YOU will stand with them in this fight against the onslaught of radicalism.


Just think, a hundred thousand angry people might be able to buy Alan a new suit, or a boat, or a subscription to Hustler (in case those Private Lynch shots ever come out). Maybe all three!

Activism isn't about democracy. Not to Alan, at least. he sees it for what it really is about: capitalism. Yum. Angry people unwilling to donate, but willing to throw a attractively-priced stones at someone they hate, are more than just an angry mob. They are consumers of hatred. It can be literally sold.

Alan is a genius.

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Tuesday, November 18

Molly Ivins Is Too Kind 

Molly Ivins gets it. She understands why we always win. We're meaner:

One thing I acknowledge about the right is that they're much better haters than liberals are. Your basic liberal – milk of human kindness flowing through every vein, and heart bleeding over everyone from the milk-shy Hottentot to the glandular obese – is pretty much a strikeout on the hatred front. Maybe further out on the left you can hit some good righteous anger, but liberals, and I am one, are generally real wusses. Guys like Rush Limbaugh figured that out a long time ago – attack a liberal and the first thing he says is, "You may have a point there."

And y'all fall for "compassionate conservative" and "Uniter not a divider" crap. Always. "Vote for me, I'm the bully" we say, and you do as we say.

Haven't you watched the Godfather?

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Bush Rape Accuser Found with Bullet in Head 

Ah, Sugarland, Texas. The place you go to be killed, or so it seems.

I thought we should have a moment of silence for Margie Schodinger, found dead with a bullet in her brain.. You know Margie. You know people found dead with bullets in their brains. Margie is now one of them.

It was certainly suicide. There is no way that the rape charges she levelled against the President had anything to do with it. It has nothing to do with her story that agents of the government drugged her and her husband, watched them like hawks, the Sugarland police were harrassed her, and other nasty things.

She was simply depressed. Or crazy! That's it! She was insane, and took her own life.

Sugarland, by the way, is a Houton suburb that is home to UNOCOL, the oil company that was making deals with the Taliban in 2001 for a pipeline across Afghanistan. Good thing we fought that war, because the pipeline project is doing quite well.

Former Enron Exec Clifford Baxter was found with a bullet in his brain in Sugarland. Friends of his found is absurd that he would kill himself, but we all know he was very depressed, perhaps insane, after what happened to Enron. All the top folks were killing themselves. Oh, wait... it was just him.

Earlier I worte that our favorite way to kill people was by using small plane crashes (did you see that they are going to VOTE on what happened to Wellstone? Ha! They have no idea!). I forgot to mention the other preferred way to eliminate opposition: have them shoot themselves in Sugarland.

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Monday, November 17

Bush Family Friend Needs to Go Home 

Remember that awful day when our dear, beloved President Reagan was shot by a would-be assasin? Recall how members of the Bush family were planning to have dinner with members of the Hinckley family at the same time? Recall how Bush Sr. was vice president, and would have become president had the assasination been successful?

It's all coincidence, I say. The Bush family had no plans to rule the White House, as we all know. (Oh, sure, it is easy to point out that two Bush's have since been president, but you are just being un-American.)

It is time, it appears, to let bygones be bygones and let the poor would-be assasin free. Why? Well, for one, he has an interest in a pack of wild cats at St Elizabeth's Hospital where he is locked away. So there. Let him free.

This isn't payback. This isn't a deal being reached behind closed doors. The Bush family doesn't owe the Hinckley family anything for their cooperation. John Hinckley wasn't really a part of the family, just like Osama wasn't part of the Bush pals the Bin Laden family.

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BUSH IN A BUBBLE 

"The Stop the War Coalition has estimated that more than 100,000 people could attend Thursday's protest in the capital. Organisers are in talks with police to try to end a deadlock over the route of the march. They are demanding the protest should be allowed to go down Whitehall and close to the Houses of Parliament."
("Kennedy encourages anti-Bush protesters", The Guardian, 11/17/2003)

"The President's limousine, a Lincoln Cadillac DeVille, seats seven and has titanium-ceramic reinforcing able to withstand a rocket-propelled grenade, a 155mm shell, or a 5lb bomb under the car. The windows are splinter-proof glass with polycarbonate laminate up to 2.5 ins thick, resistant against a .50 military calibre bullet. If the tyres are hit, the car can travel at up to 60mph on its steel wheel rims. The radiator is also armoured, and an infrared Night Vision system can be used to "see" people and hot objects in darkness or smoke. It is believed the car also has a radar system.... Certainly, it seems a long way away from the visit by John F Kennedy in 1961, when he rode up the Mall in an open-topped Bentley."
("Police begin to build 'security bubble' for Bush", The Independent, 11/17/2003)


You Can't Touch It

"Mr Bush flies into London tomorrow at the start of a three-day State visit during which he will hold talks with Tony Blair and attend a Buckingham Palace State banquet. By the time he arrives the capital will be under a state of virtual siege costing pounds 19million and enraging anti-Iraq war protesters. All police leave has been cancelled with 5,000 officers on duty. An astonishing 700 armed US agents will also patrol the streets. Roads in Whitehall will be closed with concrete blockades to stop suicide truck bombers. The president, who will be greeted by Prince Charles when Air Force One touches down at 6.45pm tomorrow, will travel in a bullet-proof Cadillac De Ville. It features a blast shield in the floor and fire-retardant foam around the petrol tank to stop explosions. Mr Bush's convoy will be made up of 20 cars and "war wagons" brought to Britain last week. On the streets the public will be kept away from the cavalcade. Overhead, a no-fly zone will be in operation while RAF jets will be on standby to shoot down unidentified planes."
("Pounds 19M Siege Of Capital: Redneck Alert", The Daily Mirror, 11/17/2003)

Scared: Bush

"George Bush was last night branded chicken for scrapping his speech to Parliament because he feared being heckled by anti-war MPs."

("Bush Pulls Out of Speech To Parliament", The Daily Mirror, 11/17/2003)

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Sunday, November 16

Queen says Blackhawks Too Noisy 

So what if protests loom in London for visit by Bush and the US and UK are dreading it. It's not bad news. Just look around, past the 100,000 expected protestors, and you'll see a happy, smiley country that loves the United States. There will be no (photographs near) protests. There will be no trade war, or arguments about Kyoto agreements or Guantanamo or Iraq. It will prove to be a lovely week. Trust me, and watch Fox to see how it turns out.

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Britain Plans to Oust Bush 

Now they are getting nasty. How dare people actually react to our president? How dare they stand up for themselves against Bush's illegal steel tariffs?

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We Just Want A Few Things, and We're Not Scared 

We have big plans for Bush's trip to England.

But the Britsh are being so snobby. Why won't they allow US snipers to shoot anyone they want with diplomatic immunity? Don't they realize it is George Bush coming to visit?

Whenever I travel, I want my snipers with me to pick off protestors. And they should be free to snipe without fear of any responsibility for their actions, I say.

England is so "Old Europe" these days.

They won't close the Tube (subway, dumb American) and laughed at the suggestion that terrorists might try to harm Bush by blosing up the Tube. They won't allow battlefield weaponry, like the mobile peace-keeping mini gun, to use against protestors, either. Nor will they allow our simple request to have the USAir Force patrol the London skies. They won't even turn over the entire security detail to us. They actually want to participate.

There will be a sterile zone around Bush, roads will be closed, and he'll generally be visiting without seeing or doing anything relating to reality, out of touch with everything and being presented with a false image of himself and his place in the world. He'll have 250 secret service agents with him. He won't take a traditonal ride in a horse-drawn carriage with the Queen, but not out of fear for his life. He's not afraid of terrorists. It's because, well, it is just because. You know...

Over a third of the British surveyed feel Bush is "stupid" and plan to protest his visit. Millions of people are again, like on 2-15, taking to the streets. Children are arranging ways to skip school and protest. Bush will burn in effigy, and a statue of him as Saddam will topple and fall.

We're keeping him out of these photos. There will be no photos of the great and wonderful Bush being mocked, disliked, or even questioned. You are either with us, or not in the photo op. It is that simple.

Good thing Americans don't think Bush is "stupid". Good thing they just sit on their couches watching TV. If Bush had to deal with this sort of popular unrest on a regular basis, it might actually change things. We wouldn't want change here in the US. Things might actually improve.

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