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Saturday, November 29

Walmart - Free Stamps with DVD Purchase 

Walmart strikes again. This brilliant store, which forces down labor costs to make people poor, which then increases the number of customers they have, are fighting for their lives. There aren't enough poor people to shop there anymore.

What's an worried superchain of crap merchandise made by slaves in China to do? Have a sale! They already force name brand manufacturers to put inferior parts inside products that look identical to better quality versions at other retailers just to save money. Ask Black & Decker. But a Christmas sale, with absurdly low prices. I'd kill for a sale like that. Or at least trample someone.

"A mob of shoppers rushing for a sale on DVD players trampled the first woman in line and knocked her unconscious as they scrambled for the shelves at a Wal-Mart Supercenter.

Patricia VanLester had her eye on a $29 DVD player, but when the siren blared at 6 a.m. Friday announcing the start to the post-Thanksgiving sale, the 41-year-old was knocked to the ground by the frenzy of shoppers behind her.

'She got pushed down, and they walked over her like a herd of elephants,' said VanLester's sister, Linda Ellzey. 'I told them, 'Stop stepping on my sister! She's on the ground!''

Ellzey said some shoppers tried to help VanLester, and one employee helped Ellzey reach her sister, but most people just continued their rush for deals."

Why should they stop and help the woman they stepped on? There were deals to be had!

Walmart - Low-price paramedic service included with every attempted purchase.

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Thursday, November 27

Misunderpronoucniationalist 

The Leader has spoken. Incorrectly, again, but how important is it, really, to pronounce the names of the states?:

"CARSON CITY, Nev. (AP) - Nevada memo to George Bush: When making a first presidential visit to a state, use the right pronounciation of its name.

Bush, in Las Vegas on Tuesday, repeatedly said Ne-vah-da. To properly pronounce Nevada, the middle syllable should rhyme with gamble.

Mispronouncing the state's name 'sets people's teeth on edge,' said state Archivist Guy Rocha. 'He's the president, and he ought to get it right. Nothing personal.'

State Senate Minority Leader Dina Titus, D-Las Vegas, said the mispronunciation shows Bush, who won the state in the 2000 election, doesn't care much about the state.

'They take such pains to orchestrate these trips and to make sure everything is politically correct,' she said. 'You would think the name of the state would be a simple piece of that.'"

Does pronounciation count? Not at all. Neither does spellink. Or grammar does.

All part of our effort to keep things amusing for the intellectuals.

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Wednesday, November 26

This Isn't A Problem 

The snag isn't that bad, even if the so-called NY Times says so:

"The American plan to turn over power in Iraq more quickly was thrown into disarray on Wednesday when the country's most powerful cleric, Grand Ayatollah Ali al-Sistani, made public his opposition to a proposal for indirect elections. "

We wanted this to happen. Uh, it's the war on terror.

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Bush Family Values, Part 37 

Howard Kurtz mentions S&L scandal survivor Neil Bush in a recent tome: "'President Bush's younger brother, Neil, makes good money in businesses about which he's admitted knowing little - and had sex in Asia with anonymous women who knocked on his hotel room door, newly disclosed legal depositions say. ...

... Neil Bush 'admitted in the depositions to having sex with women in Thailand and Hong Kong at least five years ago.

'The women, he said, knocked on the door of his hotel room, entered and had sex with him. He said he did not know if they were prostitutes because they never asked for money and he did not pay them.

' 'Mr. Bush, you have to admit it's a pretty remarkable thing for a man just to go to a hotel room door and open it and have a woman standing there and have sex with her,' said Marshall Davis Brown, a lawyer for Sharon Bush.

' 'It was very unusual,' Bush admitted to his wife's lawyers.' "

For a limited time, you can join the Bush family. Act by midnight tonight. Just go to a hotel room and walk in...

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G.O.P. Thanks Harris 

Yes, help us out and we will thank you. In our own special way:

The NY Times reports that "it is little wonder that when Representative Katherine Harris, who became the globally known face of the recount as Florida's secretary of state, expressed interest in running for the Senate in 2004, Mr. Bush's advisers shuddered, Republicans say."

Well, we'll help you to a point. But don't get all full of yourself. You aren't that great. We are. And we don't want you running. Get it?

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Monday, November 24

Make Professors Illegal 

Intellectual freedom in area studies would be good to get rid of:

"Testifying in support of HR 3077 and the advisory board, Kurtz stated that 'the ruling intellectual paradigm in academic area studies is called 'post-colonial theory.'' His erroneous problem with that notion is that 'the core premise of post-colonial theory is that it is immoral for a scholar to put his knowledge of foreign languages and cultures at the service of American power.' The root of anti-Americanism, according to Kurtz, is not our repeated missteps abroad, unilateral occupation, or the continuing deaths of innocent civilians, but rather, post-colonial scholarship. His incredible belief that post-colonial theory is plaguing academic departments with a bias against America and the west leads to his ultimate conclusion that Title VI programs are putting national security at risk as they indoctrinate their students with a hatred of America."

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