Thursday, January 1

Fearless Leader Begins New Year 

It's what I want in a compassionate leader. The Great and Powerful Bush began the new year by killing little birds with guns.

"President Bush began the new year before dawn flying to southern Texas to hunt quail.

'Happy new year to you,' he said as he greeted a few people at Brooks County Airport, 60 miles south of Corpus Christi.

Those were the first words Bush has spoken in public since Dec. 22, when he talked about the terror alert following a Hanukkah menorah candle lighting ceremony at the White House.

His hunting trip with his father, George H.W. Bush, along with U.S. envoy James A. Baker, staff and friends was running behind schedule. Rain and foggy weather forced the president to drive from his ranch in Crawford, where he spent New Year's Eve, to an airport near Waco, where he boarded a small corporate jet serving as Air Force One."

Cheney was off hunting his preferred game, peasants. Good thing there are corporate jets available to stand in for Air Force One, too, eh?

I went hunting with Bush once. The way he hits so many of his targets is that he imagines they are people he doesn't like. That makes it easy, becuase he doesn't like anyone. Except Condi, when she has those black stockings and short skirt, and Laura is off on a PR spin campaign...

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Please, exempt us from criminal action. It can only help - us.

"President Bush announced agreements with another four countries to exempt Americans from prosecution by the International Criminal Court, which it staunchly opposes.

The 1998 Rome Statute establishing the International Criminal Court has been ratified by 90 countries, but the court faces opposition from the United States. Bush administration officials fear that Americans, particularly soldiers abroad, could fall victim to politically motivated prosecutions."

There isn't a country in the world that buys that strange logic, that somehow the US is a unique and special child on the planet. No, they exempt us because of Bush's ability to threaten and blackmail them:

...the United States has pushed countries into signing the deals by saying it will otherwise withhold humanitarian aid or military support or even by blocking NATO membership.

So, in case you miss the logic, the US is the best and deserves special treatment because we are the meanest SOB's and we want special treatment.

And you silly people wonder why people are lining up against us around the world. It's easy to see, really. We're buttheads, and proud to be represented by the biggest butthead of all.

Just wait 'til we're officially exempt. It should coincide with, oh, Bush's coronation about this time next year. Then we can go attack France like Richard Perle suggests.

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Wednesday, December 31

Bush Economy's Wimp Factor 

As usual, the bad news from the Commerce Department was rolled out when nobody was paying any attention - on Christmas Eve: "Factories Post 3.1% Decline in Orders for Durables".

The New York Times then reported the bad news on Christmas Day, as if anybody buys the New York Times on Christmas Day:

"Orders for big-ticket goods at factories dropped 3.1 percent in November, the Commerce Department said Wednesday. It was the largest decline in more than a year, raising new questions about how firm a grip manufacturers have on their own fragile recovery.

The drop in orders for durable goods - manufactured items expected to last at least three years - came after a 4 percent advance in October and a 2.2 percent increase in September.

The 3.1 percent decrease last month was the first decline since August and the largest since September 2002, when durable goods orders fell 6 percent."

Paul Krugman, of the New York Times, sums up the current wimpy economy well, stating what most of us believe to be the truth, i.e. the drop in unemployment is because a large segment of the unemployed no longer qualify for benefits and have simply given up hope.

As Milton Friedman, the noted economist, put it: "Unemployment drops when people lose hope of finding good-paying jobs", but in today's grey economy, it seems people are just losing hope altogether of finding any jobs.

So I propose a solution. Volunteer for Howard Dean's campaign, wherever you are. Get active. You can work in your state to start a Dean Headquarters. Every day people can bring home-cooked meals for lunch. You can all eat. After school, the kids can come to the headquarters and help you stuff envelopes. Perhaps you can make the headquarters a church basement. Canvas the neighborhood. Host parties with neighbors and bring more home-cooked food. Help one another get through these bad times. At least you can put on your resume that you helped to organize the largest grassroots campaign in the history of this country.

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Tuesday, December 30

Stopping Dean 

We are gleeful about a Dean candidacy. Except that we are not.

"Infighting between Howard Dean and some of his rivals for the Democratic presidential nomination has gotten so nasty of late that Dean called on party chairman Terry McAuliffe to step in and tone things down. In the process, Dean managed to insult McAuliffe.

Republican strategists, meanwhile, are watching it all with barely contained glee.

'They are beginning to really gouge this guy,' Republican pollster Bill McInturff said about Dean, chuckling. 'Look at Howard Dean and, as a Republican, think about the advertising we're going to run.'

McInturff said Republicans could use John Kerry's quotes about Dean wanting to tax the middle class, or the 'wonderful attack' from Wesley Clark about Dean's draft status or the 'terrific comments' from Joe Lieberman about Dean's stance on Saddam Hussein's capture."

See how gleeful we are. We don't like to mention George Bush Sr. running against Reagan and calling his plan for America's economy "voodoo economics." (Reagan won, and Bush became VP, and Democrats had lost the election despite using the quote against them). Name-calling and mud-slinging at this stage is normal and expected.

This article is one of many we will write and place into the news media.

To be perfectly honest, we are petrified of Dean running. He has real grassroots support, can raise millions in a couple of days from individuals, and could beat W easily. We know this. We'd prefer he didn't run at all, but we won't say that. We want to scare the Democrats into thinking Dean is a bad choice. We want Dean to drop out and go away so we don't have to go up against him.

So we say "Great, look at all the quotes from other Democrats that we can use in ads." We aren't going to use any of these things in ads. Why would we? Our ads are going to be filled with flags and fear, not quotes from Gephardt six months after Gep drops out of the race entirely. If we run an ad with Kucinich criticizing Dean, who will take it seriously?

We'd rather run pictures of terrorists, then pictures of Dean.

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Monday, December 29

You Can't Retire 

So what if you've served 30 years and want to retire from the Army. We've come up with a way to keep you where you are indefinitely.

"To the Pentagon, stop-loss orders are a finger in the dike -- a tool to halt the hemorrhage of personnel, and maximize cohesion and experience, for units in the field in Iraq, Afghanistan and elsewhere. Through a series of stop-loss orders, the Army alone has blocked the possible retirements and departures of more than 40,000 soldiers, about 16,000 of them National Guard and reserve members who were eligible to leave the service this year. Hundreds more in the Air Force, Navy and Marines were briefly blocked from retiring or departing the military at some point this year.

By prohibiting soldiers and officers from leaving the service at retirement or the expiration of their contracts, military leaders have breached the Army's manpower limit of 480,000 troops, a ceiling set by Congress. In testimony before the Senate Armed Services Committee last month, Gen. Peter Schoomaker, the Army chief of staff, disclosed that the number of active-duty soldiers has crept over the congressionally authorized maximum by 20,000 and now registered 500,000 as a result of stop-loss orders. Several lawmakers questioned the legality of exceeding the limit by so much. "

Now, I didn't even know we had those silly limits on how many people can be in the Army. Good thing we're ignoring them, though. Isn't it great to be able to reward career military with retiremement in active duty? Look at the fun way we let these guys, scheduled to be done last year, know that we value their service:

"On their Army paychecks, the expiration date of their military service is now listed sometime after 2030 -- the payroll computer's way of saying, "Who knows?""

Oh, sure, they are all angry. But why would we need to fear an Army full of soldiers who hate their leaders? It isn't like they have any weapons to use against us, right? Demoralization is good. Black is white. Bush is king. Long live the king.

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With the full force of AM Radio 

The Bush campaign is in full swing, now. And it is fully embracing the liberal media to get the message across.

... on one recent Thursday, Terry Holt, Mr. Bush's campaign press secretary, called in to "The Marc Bernier Show," at 1150 and 1490 on the AM dial here, to talk extensively about how the president wanted to help orange growers and would not be satisfied until "every American who wants a job can have a job."

It was one of several telephone visits Mr. Holt made to radio stations in the past few weeks, though he has not appeared on a national television program since he started his job in early November.

While the Bush campaign maintains a low profile on the national campaign stage — content for now to watch the Democrats beat on one another — it is aggressively working the expansive hustings of Republican-friendly talk radio, priming the grass roots faithful for battle next year.

Mr. Bernier's program is part of a network of conservative-minded local radio shows in politically important states on which campaign officials are heard daily, programs like "Mid-Day With Charlie Sykes" in Milwaukee, "The Martha Zoller Show" in Atlanta and "The Jerry Bowyer Program" in Pittsburgh.

It is a network that the Democrats do not have — though they are trying to cultivate one — and one that Mr. Bush's campaign strategists believe will give him an edge in an election that could go to whichever side best mobilizes its core voters.

OK, so there is no liberal media. It's all right wing conservative media. Still, the plan to use AM radio to get the positive message of this great leader out to the serfs is brilliant. No one pays attention to AM radio. You can promise anything, and hardly anyone will notice. Plus, once elected, there won't be a trail of promises recorded by video cameras. No one will tape these shows, right? No one will pay any attention at all.

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