Saturday, June 5

When All Else Fails 

I've been waiting for this story from the AP:

"Former President Ronald Reagan's health has deteriorated, the White House has been told. The White House was informed that the 93-year-old former president's health had changed significantly in the past several days, a person familiar with Reagan's condition said Saturday.

Reagan has been out of the public eye since disclosing a decade ago that he had Alzheimer's disease. He has lived longer than any other U.S. president.

Rumors about Reagan's health arose Friday and his office in California said it had received more than 300 calls over the past two days."

The best way to get lots of Patriotic television coverage without having to start a war or be attacked is to have the greatest president ever in the history of the world die at the right time.

The coverage begins with breaking news of the ex-president's death, in somber tones. Soon, the White House issues a statement. Then congresspeople jump in and make statements. Soon, the 24 hour news stations have nothing but Reagan coverage. They'll show the pre-made biographies that have been eagerly awaiting airtime on the shelves.

There will be people who point out that Reagan wasn't so great and was involved in trading guns for drugs for hostages for governments, and then pundits will jump in and question their patriotism in times like these.

After three days of this, there will need to be a big public ceremony attended by every living politician. They will all show their great appreciation for the great leader. There will be motorcades, flags, and parades. Even more buildings will be named for the guy. The funeral will be beautiful and described as somber and fitting.

We all know that 93 year olds with Alzheimer's can go at any time. They can also be kept alive for just about any length of time if money is no object. They can be put to rest with an extra dose of morphine that relaxes the lungs into not working. Name the day and time and it can be arranged.

Reagan was loyal to his party, and loyal to the end he will be. Part of a well-timed exit from the stage that all the world is, and he an actor to the end. On cue, exit stage right.

And while you were watching this, the Democrats nominated Kerry at their convention.

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Friday, June 4

Interim CIA Director Magical 

Prest-o, change-o... a new CIA director says the AP:

"WASHINGTON (AP) - The CIA deputy director who makes rare public appearances and is known for magic tricks is in line as the temporary successor to George Tenet at the spy agency...

...Tenet had kind words for him McLaughlin, calling him 'a man of magical warmth, wit - you know his nickname is Merlin - wisdom, and decency, the finest deputy and friend I could ever have and he will be a great acting director.'

McLaughlin's professorial appearance and penchant for magic tricks suit the nickname. His calm demeanor starkly contrasts with the more outgoing Tenet."

Magicians are good at deception, sleight of hand, illusion, and making people believe things are real that are not real. They get you to look in one direction while they do their work in another.

This should be a great show.

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Thursday, June 3

Bush Secures Legal Help For Himself 

That wonderful AP says:

President Bush has lined up an outside lawyer for legal advice if needed in the grand jury investigation of who leaked the name of a covert CIA operative last year.

The move suggests the president anticipates being questioned by prosecutors about whether he could shine any light on the case. But there is no indication that Bush is a target of the investigation.

'The president has made it very clear he wants everyone to cooperate fully with the investigation and that would include himself,' White House press secretary Scott McClellan said Wednesday night.

He confirmed that Bush had contacted Washington attorney Jim Sharp. 'In the event the president needs his advice, I expect he probably would retain him,' McClellan said. There is no indication Bush has been questioned yet."

Why would the president need a lawyer in the case about outing a CIA operative to the public? It certainly couldn't be that he had something do with it. He couldn't be involved. He's the president. Presidents don't engage in criminal behavior involving the security of the nation. It was all in Cheney's office, wasn't it?

Oh yeah, that.

Well, when he said "get that bastard any way you can" that might have been not so good..... but otherwise there is no need for a lawyer. Frivilous lawsuits are destroying our great nation of crime families.

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Wednesday, June 2

Enron Executives Say F*** Your Grandmother 

Now that the Enron case is more than three years old, the New York Times is safely reporting that the Enron company used California's deregulated power industry to basically screw it to all the grandmothers of California.

In recently released tapes of trader conversations:

"I'd love to see Ken Lay be Secretary of Energy,'' referring to the disgraced former Enron CEO whose ties to the Bush administration have drawn criticism from Democrats.

In one transcript a trader asks about "all the money you guys stole from those poor grandmothers of California.''

To which the Enron trader responds, "Yeah, Grandma Millie, man. But she's the one who couldn't figure out how to (expletive) vote on the butterfly ballot.''

"Yeah, now she wants her (expletive) money back for all the power you've charged right up -- jammed right up her (expletive) for (expletive) 250 dollars a megawatt hour,'' the first trader says.


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Police Forget People Are Poor 

The AP tells us about a terrible crime:

"Two propane-delivery trucks were stolen from a gas company over the holiday weekend, raising fears of what could happen if terrorists got hold of the explosive fuel."

Yes, terrorists. Of course. It couldn't be that people are doing really poorly in this economy and would steal something like this to make a quick buck, or have fuel for a while. That would be impossible.

The only conclusion for a theft of fuel must be an insidious, nefarious plot against the USA. It couldn't possibly be someone in the area with knowledge of the trucks, like an employee.

It most definitely unrelated to a great market for propane right over the border in Mexico, and certainly isn't mirroring a similar theft from nine months ago.

Those terrorists are everywhere in Texas. The story continues by tel;ling us:

Also under investigation is the weekend theft of 15 gas canisters from an ambulance supply company....

...He said five of the stolen canisters were empty, but others contained nitrous oxide, carbon dioxide and oxygen.

Patterson said the theft of the canisters was unusual and they could be used for improvised explosive devices.

Yes, they could. We all know that teenagers never steal nitrous tanks for parties. Never. Only terrorists hoping to blow things up.

Where are my shoes? My gawd! They are missing! It must be terrorists planning a shoe bomb attack!

Oh, wait. Here they are.

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Washington Post Suggests War Will End on June 30 

The Washington Post runs a front page article today, which it calls "analysis", about how (no longer a war) the "intervention" by the United States in Iraq has ended, and that's why I don't read the Washington Post:

"With the introduction of both a new Iraqi government and a new U.N. draft resolution, the Bush administration senses the beginning of the end to its controversial and costly intervention in Iraq."

Written by staff writer team Robin Wright and Mike Allen, the "analysis" goes on to describe how the President was "almost giddily buoyant during a Rose Garden news conference about Iraq's interim government."

In fact, Mr. Bush hailed the 36 Iraqi appointees as "a team that possesses the talent, the commitment and the resolve to guide Iraq through the challenges that lie ahead," while the U.S. military will use guided missiles to destroy any resistance that gets in your war, I mean way.

The Post goes on to analyze the US administration's gun ho giddiness. "Not since the "Mission Accomplished" photograph aboard the USS Lincoln on May 1 last year, when Bush declared an end to major combat operations in Iraq, has the administration appeared as upbeat about the future."

Then Mr. Bush went off to the Oval Office and played with Saddam Hussein's gun, which he keeps as a trophy on his desk.

Meanwhile, almost immediately, the BBC reports that Saudi oil ministers, or whatever they are, announced that OPEC plans to pump more oil so that prices, as agreed to before the war between Bush and the Saudis, would sharply decrease over the summer and the economy would be booming just in time for Bush's election, I mean the election.

Of course, all of this happens just in time for Mr. Bush's trip to Europe to commemorate the allied invasion known as Operation Overlord, or D-Day, on June 6th.

Now who is Bush running against again?

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Tuesday, June 1

Rich People Try To Stop Lawsuits Against Themselves 

The AP alerts us that:

"After trying to curb class-action suits for years, Republicans finally have enough support to ram legislation through the Senate to limit what they call an overabundance of frivolous cases against American businesses.

But a decision by Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist to push forward immediately on that legislation instead of finishing work on a defense bill may have the effect of forcing the GOP to wait even longer before claiming a victory that big business has sought for years."

You know, frivolous cases, like when you are injured by their product or service, or permanently disabled becuase of your work conditions. Just those sort of frivilous cases.

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Monday, May 31

Bush Pretends He's Saddam 

Reuters lets us know that Bush is slowly becoming Saddam. First he took his country, then his torture chambers, and now we find out that:

"A handgun that Saddam Hussein was clutching when U.S. forces captured him in a hole in Iraq last December is now kept by President Bush at the White House, a spokesman confirmed on Sunday."

Rumsfeld has pieces of the planes that hit the WTC. Bush has personal itmes of dictators. Cheney makes money blowing things up then rebuilding them.

It is a great time to collect trinkets from the empire.

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Sunday, May 30

Fahrenheit 9/11 Gets Distributor 

The BBC reports:

Michael Moore's documentary Fahrenheit 9/11 has moved a step closer to being released in US cinemas after the rights were bought by Miramax's founders.

The studio's founders, Harvey and Bob Weinstein, personally bought back the rights from parent company Disney, which had refused to distribute it.

The film alleges connections between US President George W Bush and top Saudi families, including the Bin Ladens.

Miramax had funded Moore's film, which won this year's Palme D'Or at Cannes.


Of course every independent distributor in the country had their eyes on Moore's film, it was only the meanest bunch out there that got their hands on it. Distributors know a goldmine when they see it. This will set up the Weinsteins for life.

Moore's next film will be "Sicko", about the healthcare industry in the United States

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