Thursday, July 14

Rich Person Guilty of Largest Fraud Ever 

The rich person did it, not the butler or the minority:
"A federal judge Wednesday sentenced former WorldCom Inc. chief executive Bernard J. Ebbers to 25 years behind bars for his role in the nation's largest accounting fraud, the harshest prison term yet to flow fromcorporate scandals that rocked the stock market three years ago.

The once-brash mogul, 63, wept and sniffled as U.S. District Judge Barbara S. Jones imposed the sentence in front of a packed courtroom. Ebbers, a former basketball coach who built a telecommunications empire from scratch, must serve 85 percent of the prison term -- making him eligible for release in about two decades. The judge recommended he be sent to a low-security facility in Yazoo City, Miss., so relatives and friends who live nearby could visit.

'Although I recognize . . . this is likely to be a life sentence for Mr. Ebbers, I find anything else would not reflect the seriousness of the crime,' the judge said."

Sheesh. It was only $11 billion dollars in securities fraud, conspiracy and false-statements.

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Sunday, July 10

Rich People Can't Stand Seeing Not-Rich 

MSNBC tells us about a new TV network you can't see because you aren't wealthy enough:

"'Open Exchange' broadcasts on Plum TV, the cable network that caters to the privileged folk of Nantucket and Martha's Vineyard, Mass.; the Hamptons in New York and Vail, Colo. This summer season is bringing in the largest audiences to date -- as many as 457,000 viewers on some nights -- and it hopes to boost its winter audience with a new station in Aspen, Colo. Plum woos advertisers with the quality, not the quantity, of its viewership. The network's market research shows an average Plum viewer earns $218,000 annually with household assets of $2.5 million. With advertisers like Sensient Jets, a private jet company, and the investment firm of Friedman Billings Ramsey, Plum serves a unique function: local programming for the global elite.

Plum follows a 'by the rich, for the rich' philosophy."

Plum TV, however, is just small fry. Why go after 457,000 semi-rich idiots when you could have a network serving just 500 homes. Yes, we plan to start a network for the 500 gazillionaires with everything, where diamond encrusted underwear and slaves will be the only items sold on our shopping channel. When these folks call our pay-per-view service, they'll be allowed to buy the movie company and request films be made for them personally. Our clients will be allowed to have their staff submit their own version of the news each day, and will have any newscaster they want read it back to them. We won't have ads for cars; we'll have ads for car companies.

To bad you don't have lots of numbers in a computer at a bank. If you had more numbers, you could watch.

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